Documenting my thoughts. they're not all diamonds

I am afraid of dogs, but I am fascinated by their stories. When my friends who have pets tell me stories of all these things their pets do, its so freaking fascinating. So one of my friend has two dogs, they are mother and daughter. But the daughter dog is more attached to my friend than she is to her mother. I did not know dogs form more attachment with human beings than their own mother of their own species?She was also telling me how the dogs are jealous of her baby and how the dogs don’t like her baby. Isn’t that interesting?

I love listening. And when its listening to life narratives or something interesting, it just gives me this warm feeling inside. The other day I was talking with my friend from Libya. She and her husband had been active participant of the revolution from America. It was amazing to know how much you can actually help from America. Its not just monetary support, they helped people of Libya with internet access, with financial and medical support. They got news from Libya aired in American media. My friend also told me all these stories of how her brother was missing for 3 days, and was captured by Gaddafi’s army, she told me a lot of other stories of different families in her neighborhood and the loss they have suffered.

All these insight stories really gives you a fresh perspective. I hate the way media narrates stories. Its so concise and quantitative, like the whole emotional appeal of the story is missing. Media is all about numbers, how many people died, how many bombs were blasted, where it happened, when it happened…But there’s so much to know from there stories..

I want to stay as close to my family as possible, in my ideal world, live in the same home as my mom. I hate being away form her so so much. I often think, if I don’t get into any med schools in North Carolina, I won’t even go to Med school. I cannot imagine spending 5 to 6 more years of my life being away from my parents. May be I will move in my parents  and my brothers to my apartment close to whichever med school i get in. This is the thing I hate most about my life in America, living away from home..

I have never been this busy in my life, ya’ll. Its not even like I am busy busy, but I am busy. Like the other day i was wondering, why sleep takes so much time. I barely get 6 hours of sleep, and I was trying to reduce that too. Man, I do not want my days to be like this for the rest of my life. I will quit my career and everything if that happens. Now I guess, its okay since I really want to get into med school and really want to finish this postbac thing so i can go back home to my mom in fall.

But man, life is busy!

“But Monday is mother luther king day”

- I was the only FOB at unc, but here there are so many! its a whole new experience :)

Brittany: If I were a Physics Professor, I would be like Mr.Bennet.

Me: Who is Mr.Bennet? Mr.Bennet of Pride and Prejuidice?

Brittany: Nawsheen, Mr.Bennet is our lab professor’s name!

• I LOVE the professors here. They really care about teaching, you can tell.
• The campus is small! very small.  I kind of like this short walk from one class to another, the short walk to different administrative buildings.
• FOOOD!! OMG. They have Bojangles and SALSARITA! and some other cool places I can’t remember right on campus! Its like food heaven seriously
• Cookout is right next to my apartment
• My bro#3 is AN AMAZING COOK! Like seriously, he cooks like a chef and I am not like exaggerating or anything because he is my brother. That dude can seriously cook.
•  I realized first week here I was gettin crazy when I was by myself. I always need to have people at my apartment to study with me, but I think slowly i am getting better at this living by myself thing. But I do hate loneliness, it almost makes sick. But there are tons of advantages of being by yourself and the biggest advantage is you get to adjust to a lonely life. We are all alone in the end of the day. People get sad when they are by themselves. And this is a very risky state of being. We all need to practice and be in a state all the time when we can derive happiness from our inside meaning happiness will not be depended on others. Not on how many friends you have, how many people love you, etc. Happiness is inside you, and loneliness lets you discover that! And that’s when you don’t even feel lonely when you are by yourself.
• I do not want to live too far away from my home though. Family is a gift and my family is the most precious to me. As long as I am alive, I want to be with them, as close to them as possible. I really do. Even if I have to live in the most boring little town of nc, I think I will choose to live there if my family is there. Place really don’t matter much to me, its the people who are close to my heart.

The men in my family eat a lot! My mom cooks and I just watch. I am either watching her cook or watching my brothers steal my food. Mom wants food to last long, so after she is done cooking she hides food in her different secret spaces…but my brothers find them out somehow and finish them like in a second. My older brother is the best food thief and he eats the most.

These days the condition is even worser. He finishes the food even before my mom is done cooking them.

Mom: “abrar what are you doing in the kitchen?”

abrar (my bro#1): I am just smelling your food

as long as there are nice people whom you love and who loves you back and really good, yummy delicious food!